i'm not sure how i feel about dropping names on here right now. i've only just met these people and i feel like using their names would be too specific. i mean, none of them have a link to this yet, but i guess i don't like the idea of someone getting upset with me or something over me detailing interactions online. i don't know them that well yet. and for some i can;t even put a name to the face. so i guess i'm going to not do that at this point in time

i've been in buenos aires for a week and a half now. i think. no. longer. eleven days. i've been trying to keep myself from spending more than five dollars or two-hundred pesos each day. so far i've been almost able to do that, but then i make an impulse buy or a required buy. getting a sim card for my phone, and then another one cause that first didn't work. paying for laundry. i don't like the idea of paying five dollars every week or so for laundry. that seems like a lot. i bought a roberto bolano book from that pretty bookstore. el ateneo. this girl i was with said it felt like a barnes and noble. and i feel she was right. the book i got was 'la literatura nazi en america'. we toured some fancy house and i was not really into it. i feel like after you've seen one rich person's home you've seen them all. people really liked it though, so i pretended to enjoy it. i mean, i can appreciate the craftsmanship that went into all the little details. but i can't say i like the building for what it is. i pretended to like it cause i felt that i was expected to and that if i didn't i was shooting myself in the foot in terms of being able to connect with any of these people. a pretty calculated 'lie', i guess. i'm trying to remember more interactions. i guess there was one where someone told me they thought they were the only one that knew about something. which i found funny, probably cause i've had that thought before. but not for a while. our conversation didn't last long though. one of these mornings i started hallucinating again. during a lecture i turned to the wall and saw these little sprinkles of golden light raining down. i closed my eyes and opened them again but they didn't go away. it lasted a few seconds before they just ran out. haven't seen them since. that was monday i think. had to be. i was brushing my teeth last night. i started flossing around my tooth with the cavity when i saw the inner half of it move. my tooth is broken. it hasn't fallen out yet, but it's just a matter of hours now. or days. i said hours yesterday when i noticed and it's still there. i'm fine with losing it. maybe i'll get a gold tooth to replace it... just kidding. if i couldn't afford getting it fixed in time i definitely can't afford a golden tooth. it would be cool though. my mother said something like that happened to her. that her tooth broke and her problem was essentially solved. i hope that's the case for me to. she doesn't know it's cracked. that anecdote was from a while back, when it was just a cavity that required a root canal. i love losing my insurance a week after being told i need a root canal, which was also the the day before i had to fly to philly for school. my host mother almost started crying today. we were talking about how expensive things are and her sons and college. which led to her talking about her husband. i wasn't aware until the first day or so of moving in but she's recently widowed. like three months ago or so. and while talking about him i noticed her choking up a bit. it was very subdued, but noticeable. she moved to the kitchen to wash the dinner plates. she looked up and said something, and i saw tears in her eyes. again, very minute almost nonexistant. but the lights revealed them. i've yet to deal with actual loss so i can't maneuver situations like that well. anyway, i went to a fashion show on friday. went with some girls that i had barely met but we had a good time. wound up and a queer, leftist hole-in-the-wall type bar. or club. both really. gonna go back whenever i get the chance again. hopefully with others. i started using instagram stories. mostly just close friends. i feel like the people on that list are the only ones that won't dislike me for using that platform as a music sharing site. lmk if you want me to add you. if you want to see what im listening to. hear what i'm listening to. tried coke and fernet. i liked it. was told it had a specific name, but i don't remember it

i should have broken up the last paragraph. i didn't cause my laptop is dying, and i need to get off of this soon so i can sleep. i have to be up early tomorrow. like five in the morning. which isn't exactly hindering me from adding line breaks, but i've convinced myself that it is. i'm working on catching this up. i'll get there soon.3