feeling sad again. i hope it's just because i drank tonight, but it wasn't enough for me to convince myself that that's the reason why. don't know what else it could be

went out with friends to eat, and then went over to one of their apartments. saw my favorite dog baily and generally had a calm evening/night. didn't get to continue the book i'm reading, "between the world and me". it's good so far, read a third of it last night before bed. i'm currently exhausted so i won't be doing that tonight. i stopped by the library to grab a book i put on reserve but it wasn't on the shelves. it is also 350+ pages, so i probably wouldn't have finished it by next week

kaijah said he might be able to get me a brockhampton ticket, but it's all still up in the air. part of me wants to go to their houston show, but i can't reason spending that money since i already have a ticket to see their show in philly with kim. will probably save the money for food or merch or an uber home

gonna be working an art show this weekend. should be fun. it's a harry potter tribute show. i wanted to make something for it, so that i could sell it and make a little money, but i couldn't think of anything. i'm not creative!

anyone have any music recommendations? this is an invitation to message me recommending something good

i wrote a poem about punching myself in the face a few months back. i hadn't actually done that before writing it but after the words were typed out, they acquired this, almost seductive, glow to them so i did what they described. feels weird to hit yourself like that. i think i've done it twice. the second time was because i was tired and couldn't sleep. thought it might help. in a way it did, i felt exhausted. not so much because of incessant hitting, but observing myself through the mirror took a lot of emotional energy. or "labor" as it's increasingly referred to

currently listening to the halloween playlist i put together on spotify

i want to delete everything. i want to not exist