i picked up my new glasses last friday. this is the first time i've gotten a different frame since tenth grade. maybe eleventh. i've slowly transitioned out of the, i guess, constants that had been in my life since then. for the first time in years i'm not wearing sambas regularly, if not exclusively. and the new round, plastic frames are a strong deviation from the rectangular, metal ones. it felt like i got new eyes when i first put them on. there was a different guy working this time. did kind of hope that it would be the same one from when i ordered them. they gave me a case, which is customary, but not a cleaning cloth. i need to get one of those before i end up scratching the lenses with whatever fabric i have on hand when i desperately need to wipe them

today i finally made oat milk. i wanted to record the process to put on my vimeo but i decided against that since it was the first time i was doing it and didn't feel comfortable enough with the process. the milk itself came out fine. the oat flavor is a long stronger than i remember it being with the oatly milk i purchased before. but that product goes through serious quality control, something i wasn't worried about with my first batch. it is also pretty sweet. goes well enough with my coffee, which is why i decided to make it anyway, so i guess it's all fine. if i had a real blender instead of a handheld one it would've been easier. the recipes i loosely followed say that it's good for three days, but i'm going to disregard that suggestion, since i don't consume milk that often. it should be gone in a week at most though

i deactivated twitter again. just sort of felt like it. i'm tired of muting people

i'm all set to go to mendoza next week. the original plan was to be there from thursday through sunday, but in the week since i booked my airbnb and stuff a friend had their plans fall through and will now tag along with me. and since they seem to be fast-paced with life, we added a stop in chile to the itinerary. which, i guess i look forward to. i mean it'll be cool to go, even if just for a day, but it is a deviation from what i had visualized over the past week or so. it's fine. it'll be nice. another beach. i thought about messaging my friend (is that still the right word?) who's in santiago for the semester. i haven't seen her since we graduated high school, even though we both go to school in the philly area, and are now both in the southern reaches of the same foreign continent. that's why i doubt 'friend' is the right word. anyway, considered it, but decided against because i don't think i care enough to see her. don't think there would be much to talk about. and i'm not going to santiago. everyone says santiago is not that great. lot's of santiago slander

i had bought a ticket to see river plate play this past sunday. like, i got the ticket saturday morning. and the game was the following afternoon. i didn't do much research before buying the ticket cause i felt there wouldn't be much of a difference from when i buy resell tickets in the states. i told my parents the day of that i was going. the ticket came in this plastic card, similar to a gift card and things like that. yeah, so i show up to the gate all excited and somewhat intoxicated only to be told that they can't let me in because the ticket didn't have my name on it. tickets are primarily for season members and what not, so general admissions ones are hard to come by. the stop that i was subjected to is supposedly random, so i was just unlucky, but i don't think i made it any easier on myself by not having it out as i approached them like the other people did. whatever, anyway, that was upsetting but i guess the universe just wanted me to be a boca fan instead. i'm getting my money back so i guess i didn't lose out on anything in the grand scheme of things

i would deactivate facebook too but one of my classes uses a facebook group to share files. and the program uses it to sign up for activities. i did remove the link to my blog and other things from my bio on there once i joined the program group cause i didn't want all of them to have that kind of access. not sure why that would bother me, seeing as i'm fine with it being public elsewhere. i guess cause they know of me, but don't know me and i didn't think they needed to know more unless i told them. i guess that's why

i was talking with someone after my class on tuesday about media and stuff. they asked me what i thought our generation's form of 'avant-garde' art was. i couldn't think of anything concrete. they mentioned textiles and while i was inclined to agree, i felt that whatever it was, it probably had digital elements to it. my answer to the avant-garde question was memes. it's the only kind of answer that came to mind. i explained that i have more faith in gen z than i do in millennials. that i felt myself getting older and more out of touch. that by looking at the memes my younger sister sends me and trying to 'figure out' why their funny, i've already missed the point and am showing my disconnect from the cultural zeitgeist. which, is there just one zeitgeist? i feel the world is more and more fragmented that there is no one current. just look at fashion. everything can be fashionable if done with intent. i'm twenty. feels like i'm pushing on forty

i think we also talked about the movie 'eighth grade'. or i might be creating a false memory. i know i talked about that movie on sunday. but i can't remember if i also did on tuesday. i'm seeing it this sunday. i'm also probably seeing a western called 'pistoleros' tomorrow

i think i'm going through some sort of existentialist episode right now. but not in the usual, 'what's the point' kind of way. i feel more and more disconnected from myself. i can touch on this more later, but i'm like, rejecting my 'identity'. like, i don't know, i applied for some hispanic/latine scholarships and it felt like a grift. i felt as though i was lying. like, i don't think i feel hispanic. i don't think i care to feel hispanic. what does it mean to feel hispanic. or latine. don't know what that chain of thoughts means, but it's something that i've been thinking a lot about. just questioning every sort of identity i myself subscribed to or was subscribed to by others. culture. race. nationality. gender. sexuality. i think it's a different approach to my long standing desire to not 'exist'

also this is post three-hundred-sixty-eight. shout out to one year of posts. took longer than expected, but we got there anyway. mad grateful