i fell down some stairs earlier. scraped some skin off on my right hand. banged my spine against the edge of a step. slid down a couple others. my back still hurts

i also fell yesterday while walking to the bus. it was between walking and rushing. more towards the latter. fell in front of people. said 'fuck' or something and i hope they got a laugh out of it

while riding through the andes, i looked at the mountains thinking about how long they've existed. how they'll outlast us. i thought about the amount of space they take up. tried to three-d map them in my mind. imagined a stone tumbling down. i described it as 'like anaphorous bells' but 'anaphorous' is not a word

thought about calling my parents and telling them how i've felt re: the identity paragraph at the end of the previous post. i'm not going to though

my host mother had company over. a friend of hers. then two nieces. i didn't leave my room until they left the kitchen. i guess i felt ugly and i didn't want them to see me. the friend did. i guess i didn't want the nieces to cause they sounded to be about my age, or older, and i didn't want to interact with them cause i was feeling ugly and gross. they're going to mexico. cancun and playa del carmen. i've never been to either. whenever someone mentions those places to me i just nod and say 'yeah, they're both really pretty'. they all went out to eat without me

i don't want to deal with immigrations tomorrow

thought i had more to say... i do, but i'm not feeling up to it right now