okay so lionshare, yeah, that was a little while ago but i still remember most of it and how i felt about it. their use of the space they had was good. i liked how they incorporated different types of art in one thing. there were art cars, light fixtures, paintings, audio recordings, etc. it was one of those immersive theater things where the story unfolds before you and you have to piece it together. the actors were on loop, which made it somewhat easier to capture as much detail as possible. still, by the end of it i was a bit lost as to what the whole point of it was. the setting, or stage, was great. i fell in trances here and there with the way art pieces behaved. and it was these trances that detracted from my experience. i didn't find the actual plot as compelling as the radio advertisements in the cars, which was a bit funny. i know the houston press wrote a review that echoed that sentiment. michael, who also went to the show and i know through my coworker, saw the thing twice cause he thought it was that good. i wouldn't see it again. and i don't think i'd pay what they were asking for. but that has more to do with me than with the play, which i'll touch back on later

i went to goodwill and was looking through the tshirts when i misread something that i can't remember as 'property of al-qaeda', which made me laugh. of course the shirt didn't say that, but now i want a shirt with that on it. like a white gildan. black text. not sure the font. maybe i'll ask my friend to print it for me

you know how i wrote about a desire to get into an accident? well, i've had three different encounters along that sentiment. the first one i was within maybe a yard of getting hit from the side. i was riding down lyons, which means i was like five minutes from home, when a large white truck, a dodge ram i think, tried to make a right turn without stopping for the red. they braked abruptly and i was surprised that it actually almost happened. i think the term for it is t-boned. yeah, i was almost t-boned by a large white pickup. that would've been ugly. i don't ride with a helmet. then a few days later, i was riding to work. i was going through an underpass when i started thinking about that almost-t-bone. my music randomly paused and i lifted my right arm to the remote. in that quarter second i lost control of the bike. the bike dropped and skid a few feet in front of me. i fell forward, breaking my fall with my palms and knees. i ended up lying on my back with my bike a few inches in front of me. i laughed for somewhere between five to ten seconds. a security guy asked if i was fine. this couple i had passed watched the whole thing before passing me by. while trying to put the chain on again, another cyclist asked if i was fine. i told him i hadn't fallen in years, which i think is true. the last time i fell was when i rode parallel to the metro-rail tracks and my front wheel fell in. i was bruised a bit but it didn't much matter. then a few days ago, i was riding home again. i was in these residential streets where a bunch of new homes recently arose. there was one of those cable van turning right into the street i was on. they turned slowly as i approached them. then they sped up, making an unnecessarily wide turn. that meant they were coming head-first at me. we weren't going fast, neither of us were pressed for time. i reacted and rode off a couple feet to the right. i watched as the guy finally noticed me and braked. as i passed him up, thinking about how i could've ended up on his hood, i saw why the guy was distracted. there was some woman walking her dog, and i guess he was watching or checking her out. i don't know. feels libelous to label him as a creep, but that was the impression i got. don't hate me, cable guy

the collage i made did not sell. i priced it at twenty cause i felt i should value my work more, but it wasn't worth twenty. i wouldn't have paid that much. doesn't matter though cause i told kim she could have it if it failed to sell.a bunch of other crap sold which always surprises me. people spend money on some boring stuff

i'm finally taking more initiative for my future. i'm sending those emails. i'm submitting those written works. things like that. fingers crossed

i've become more manic and compulsive in recent weeks. can't remember when exactly it started but i had a strong episode during the lionshare, which is probably why i didn't enjoy it much. i felt alone. i felt like disappearing. from there it's only gotten worse. i deactivated my twitter over a week ago because i couldn't stand reading a lot of what was on there. it was during the peak, or the stage just after, of the maga teen smirking. like, aren't all teens like that? teens are assholes. i know because i was one. i don't know why people were acting like teens are supposed to be these exemplary beings that provide the framework for socially-acceptable behavior. who cares if he smirked. why make it the biggest deal in the news when more stuff is going on? that was largely why i finally left twitter. but the more underlying reason is that i've grown disgusted in the way people market or curate themselves. everything is branding and some people take themselves too seriously. like, it's the internet, why does everything have to self-promotion? like, i know that all social media, to an extent, is a way of sharing yourself, which is a kind of promotion, but there's a difference between sharing thoughts or interests and using it to market yourself to your peers. i know people do this irl too. it's not an online only thing. but what makes it worse when it's online, at least for me, is that i already spend too much time on there. and that, addiction?, forces me to witness all that bad/annoying content. like i can unfollow, but that sends a different, stronger message than 'i don't like your content'. it's usually a severing of friendship or acquaintanceship, which i'm not always trying to do. i'm just in a strange place mentally right now where i'm finding it increasingly difficult to connect with people. i feel removed, and it's that feeling that amplifies people's curated selves and how disingenuous and tired it is. so i deactivated every social media app i have, save for snapchat. and even that i want to get rid of. but, i think i'll be back in a few weeks. i know i want to get this dumb idea out there. but then i ask myself why i want to do it and come back to the idea of social media being more for others than for me. branding. why post at all? i don't have a good answer. not one that can't be tied back to the reason i left those apps. but my discontent isn't limited to just those apps. as i said, i'm more manic than before. yesterday i bought myself a large pizza from little ceasars, knowing that it always makes me feel gross, and ate three-quarters of it on purpose. i ate two slices in the car. one while driving home and the other after parking the car. i cried before going inside. i'm just counting down the days hoping things improve by next month

i made a new landing page where i'm going to put all the media related to me. a website for myself. it's currently bare but it'll fill in with time. is this also #curating ? anyway the url adress is: kevindleon[dot]blogspot[dot]com

it's a new month which means a new vampire weekend song will drop. i hope i get to see them at msg