okay i realize i was being too hard on myself. 'care' isn't the word i was looking for re: first paragraph from yesterday's post. i was 'painting with a broad brush' by using that word. i wanted to look at the page. not because i cared about what was on it, but because i was thinking about how people use instagram to curate themselves. and i remember that account, from the glimpse i had of it when the app recommended i follow, was one of those that was curated. i guess i wanted a second look. that's not the same as caring, i don't think. i'm still not perfect though!

i'm in the middle of a very productive manic episode. updating some documents. taking care of business. things like that. i went to the library and checked out two books by roberto bolano. i knew i was going to have to pay some late fees, but seeing my total at twenty-three dollars was startling, considering the late fee is, like, fifteen cents a day per book. the third floor, where the literature and poetry is shelved, is closed off. i asked when it would reopen and the woman told me probably not this month. she did say i could place a hold on a book and it would be retrieved for me. told her i would come back when i finish the two i already had. i asked about volunteering as was told to go on their website. gonna do that this week. apply, not volunteer. at least not yet. next week at the earliest