i reactivated my facebook today to watch 'real bros of simi valley', which was a good move on my part. thoroughly enjoyed the series. i wish i knew how many episodes are going to be in season two, because a part of me wants to deactivate already, but i'm unsure how many more episodes are left to premier. anyway, for as much as i am growing to dislike social media, i spend too much time on it. so much so, that i noticed someone i haven't been friends with for years blocked me. it's comical that they went through the trouble, as if i cared what they were up to, but, with that said, i did waste time discovering i was blocked, so i guess there was a part of me that did care, in this removed sort of way. i'm not perfect

last saturday, the twelfth, i went to austin with some friends. we ate at this on soco place called magnolia's, which diego recommended. him, germ, and kim all got enchiladas and i ordered some mac and cheese and a side of broccoli. we all left dissatisfied, but them three more so, since their food was flavorless and undercooked, or overcooked, to a point where the rice and beans were hard. it's kind of their fault for ordering mexican food at what was clearly an establishment more catered to the whiter demographic of austin. we walked up, and down, soco before i got all of us a sapporo. germ and kim liked it, but diego felt it was too warm to drink. so i had his and was basically blackout after. we went to san antonio the next day. the alamo was a lot smaller than i expected it to be. it was more of a gift shop than anything. the river walk was fine. it was cooler down there than on street level. it was warm that week. every day was in the seventies, with little to no clouds. we ate at 'la jalisco'. i ordered a torta and felt it was worth the cost. there was this fence next to the restaurant that overlooked the river. on it were a bunch of locks. i was confused as to why people thought that was a cool place to do that thing that people do in paris, but whatever. there was a refresqueria next door that we went to. i tried a gansito-flavored ice cream. it was really sweet. some dripped on my right shoe and stained the lace. the woman working there was kind of rude, but in a funny way. diego said the ice cream was really good and she replied 'that's nice'. i laughed but no one else heard until i recounted her comment after we left. we drove back to austin and went to zilker park. i skipped some stones by the water. maxed out at five skips

the other day, wednesday night, while in downtown, i began to feel removed from myself and, in a way, reality. it's been happening more frequently. i begin to feel like nothing is real. i'm sure i commented on this sentiment on this blog before. i just feel like there are no consequences. it happened again on my ride home saturday. i thought about the possibility of a distracted car hitting me as i crossed an underpass, but that the impact would be in slow motion and that i would burst into air or something instead of skidding along on the pavement. it's strange and surreal. i guess it's a way for my mind to break from routine. because i am growing a suspicion of routine being behind this feeling. like, i'm so used to everything going, essentially, the same way each time that it no longer feels like i'm doing anything. like i'm not living. even when i am technically doing something different, it feels the same. i'm hoping that'll change in a couple months

i don't think i understand why people think it's acceptable to drive while high and not while drunk. alcohol impairs more than weed, but weed impairs nonetheless. must be the same logic that has people believing that smoking weed is harmless, or at least adjacent to it. strange mental gymnastics

every center-leaning democrat from texas gets a strange praise from young voters. beto is definitely a centrist. and this julian castro who just announced he's running for president is too. he tweeted something about brainpower being the currency of success. which we should all be ridiculing. and his idea for a separate, guaranteed two-year degree would just create a less valuable degree. the whole idea of things being 'affordable and accessible' doesn't really mean anything. they're empty words. i'm definitely not looking forward to the next couple years, politically speaking. a friend told me about a month ago that biden had the best chance. which i disagreed with. but if that's the general consensus then we're fucked cause he sucks in so many ways

when i went to the butterfly center the girl at the door asked if i'd been before. i said yes. she followed up by asking if i knew the rules. i hesitated and said yes. she asked me to list them. that's when i paused for a couple seconds and then admitted i lied about knowing them. which was funny

i never saw thirtyfootfall. rip fitzgerald's

people finally did something about r kelly. there's a documentary out now which goes into depth about his trespassing and what not. weird that it finally happened since i'd heard about him liking to 'pee on little girls' long ago. related but still separate, is this idea about our relationship to artists that i've been thinking about a lot recently. when did we decide that artist are supposed to be these saints or moral-pillars for us to worship? and each time one of them commits some sort of social transgression we have to sacrifice or 'cancel' them? of course i'm not absolving r kelly here. i think that people need to face consequences for their actions. but, in the case of someone like kanye for example, why does he have to be in-line with current social movements for people to openly enjoy his art? sure he says dumb stuff, but it's not illegal to say ridiculous things. why does he have to be 'cancelled' for wearing a silly red hat? why do artists have to mold themselves to the ideals of the public for their art to be enjoyed and praised. it just... it doesn't make sense often times. i need to think about it more

on a lighter note, i got really into john mayer's 'new light'