i think it's pretty apparent that i never reached the goal of a post per day for a year. this is the 335th post. i've come to terms with it. not going to go back and fill in the gaps. was supposed to finish earlier this month on the ninth. obviously didn't. and i'm okay with that. gonna post some more on here. maybe til i get to 365 (i'm even using numbers now instead of writing them out...)

i've been pretty okay with not writing on here as of late. but today i felt like coming back and explaining my absence. part of it was because i got really busy. and the other part was just my interest in this dissipating. i didn't feel compelled to write. i didn't have that issue this time last year. and that's because last year i felt more alone and wanted to write things down for people to see. at least so people could see. i don't really know who reads this. i know someone in germany frequented it earlier this semester. though that could have been a vpn. don't know. but i've been better

i'm not going home for thanksgiving. i'll be up here in the northeast again. i have some money i could've spent on a last minute plane ticket home, but i decided i shoudl save it for next semester. or use it to fix my cavity. or new glasses. or literally anything more important that going home for like what three days? i'll spend some time in new york. i want to hang out with emmett, at least for a little bit. i might take the amtrak there. i like trains and haven't ridden the amtrak since march of 2015, when i took it from chicago to galesburg. and back. the ticket is pricier than a bus, but so it goes. andy should be coming up. i got us a place at the corner of bed-stuy and brownsville. i think. well, it's right by broadway junction, which is where a bunch of neighborhoods meet. anyway there are two beds. one twin, one full. if anyone wants to come out to new york novemeber 23-25, let me know. i can let ya'll stay with me

i took some lsd on thrusday after i finished all my classes. it was the best time for me to take it. didn't have anything else to do and it was snowing. also don't have firday classes anymore. it ended up being the worst trip i've experienced. for the first three hours after dropping it, i was fine. i was having fun. and then suddenly something changed. i got up to get water and felt like one of those extra bass-y noises from space movies, that 'duhhhhhh' sound that slowly fades, went off in my head and it all went downhill from there. panicked a lot. delirious sis what i described myself as afterwards. and psychotic. i don't really know what triggered it. i don't think i was particularly stressed about anything. my breathing got really shallow and i got really hot. walked outside for a long time. aimlessly. put my hands in my coat pocket and felt small. thought that if i stayed in a room for too long i would overheat and pass out and die. pretty scary. my friend that was trip sitting me has never done psychedelics so she couldn't really help. and it stressed me out cause i knew she was worried about me throughout that whole thing. i texted my roommate cause i locked myself out and then i told him about the whole situation. he gave me three one-mg xanax pills and i took two. they taste bad. and he stayed with me in the room and told me about his past bad trips. can't really remember all of them but i'm really glad and appreciative that he did that. he was the only person i trusted at that point, since he's the only one i know who has gone through what i was going through. my biggest fear was that it was laced with fentanyl or something. that subconscious thought probably fueled the whole thing, but i can't be sure. still trying to process the whole thing. still a bit disoriented, time-wise

last week i went to the good good comedy theater three times in a row. went with andy to see jak knight and zack fox. then went with kim to see brandon wardell do a stand-up set and then a live taping of his podcast with jack wagner. probably one of the most fun weekends i've had this year. was a bit stressful having to get to and from philly three days straight. but it was worth it. zack fox was a lot better than i expected. i want to see him again. got there a bit late so i had to stand in the back. was stoned so it didn't matter. bought some jimmy johns afterwards. that sucked. for brandon's stand up i was seated up front. it was packed. he had some really good bits. then for the podcast taping i was in the second row. he called me out saying that he's the reason i was wearing my death metal sufjan shirt. and though, i will admit i first saw it in a picture of his, he deleted that pic and i found the link to it through someone else's tweet. so no, i wouldn't say i was wearing it because of him. so when he asked me if he was why i got it i said no. which prompted him to call me a liar. and i got really red. at least i felt like it. the night ended with this weird idea of someone getting powerbombed on the table. the venue agreed to letting the table get broken. but it never did. neither brandon nor jack wanted to get powerbombed. and they ultimately backed out of jumping through the table together because everyone in the audience pulled out their phones to record it. big disappointment. bought a poster and a lemon seltzer and left