i've been having a rough time memorizing my lines for the play. it's a bit concerning that it opens next thursday, but what worries me most is my social anxiety. i hate speaking in front of a group of people, and now i'm gonna do that and act. seems like a lot to stomach. maybe there's a drug that can help with this. probably wouldn't be able get a hold of it by opening day. i know i'll get the lines down by sunday, but thursday is what looms over me

picked up another sufjan record today. also impulse bought the 2001 a space odyssey soundtrack. found a picture of eduardo holding a jar of cookies in one hand and a blunt in the other. this was from when i visited him at carleton in june. i sent him the pic with the caption "smokes cookies og once". i though it was a pretty clever pun. laughed a little. considered posting it on social media but i'm not sure i should put ilicit substances blatantly on there. i feel like there are people who would judge me for it, but then again, so what? anyone who actually knows me knows i do drugs. gonna have to do a year in review of when i took drugs. i don't think i've done anything that hard this year. year's not over, so i'm not saying it won't happen

there's a party today in the house next door. i'll probably head over after rehearsals. a little worried about the skunk that i saw hiding in the bushes next to that house though. not in the mood to get sprayed. would hate to have to buy tomamto soup to get the smell out

bought a case of pbr in memory of bennett. he gave me one once while i was in his room. then he threw on some wilco (ha!) and talked to me about his life on the farm. all that farmhand stuff. a little inspirational. between him and some other guy, i've gotten the urge to be a farmhand myself, at least for a little. funny that he got the nickname "bennatty lite" after natty lite beer, even though he drank pbr. what a guy