there's like, what, seven different depressions and/or storms around the continental u.s. right now. there's one that's forming near the gulf and could, potentially, become a hurricane and even hit texas. which, seeing as how houston hasn't changed much since the last one, would be less than ideal. i don't think i'm worried too much. it would just be sad for anyone affected. i already empathize with people in the carolinas. every storm seems to be a one-in-a-whatever storm. maybe we should change the way we classify them

the new season of bojack comes out tonight. and american vandal. i'm excited for the both, especially since jaboukie wrote for the latter. for some reason i feel like i have a lot of work to do tomorrow so i probably won't watch them unil later in the weekend

i'm thinking about doing some sort of honors research project my senior year. i think it would be beneficial for me to have some long term project like that done, or at least in progress, when applying to grad schools or whatever it is i plan on doing after undergrad. as of now i like the idea of latinx identity within texas, but i can't really specify where i would go with that. because i don't know myself. i figure that after i read a few books on the subject i'll have a clearer idea about what exactly i want to pursue

so my thoughts on my grandfather, i think i have them formed. essentially it boils down to not really having much of a connection after those early years. i stopped going to visit, and they never visited. i grew up without ever really talking to them about anything. without them ever really calling for my birthday, or my siblings' birthdays and so i never got close to them. Among other things, now that he's not well, i do empathize with my father. i know it must be sad, to say the least, to know your father could pass away. even more so because he's in mexico and, you never know with these things, he could pass before he can go see him, if he isn't fit enough to come back to the states. and while i do understand, as far as i can, since i haven't experience loss in any similar way yet, i can't force myself to be too sad because then it would be disingenuous and i think that's worse that just admitting it doesn't hurt as much as other would hope it does. i can't really remember the last time i saw him myself. i know my mother mentioned going to visit on multiple occasions, but i always declined. which reflects that lack of connection. i don't want it to sound like i don't like them as people. they're fine. my grandparents. but this disconnect extends further than just them. it goes for a large part of my extended family. i don't really talk to anyone, and that's been the case for years. the one's that i am closer to all live in mexico. it's been years since i've last seen them, so even that connection is strained. anyway, i hope he gets better to the point my aunt can bring him to austin. that way my father can go see him without having to go through too much trouble like crossing the border and driving all the way to salamanca, which is where i presume he's at. could be further or nearer