umm okay kaijah's show was pretty good. like his set was fun. i didn't like that some guy kept closing the door and trapping all that heat and must in there, but it's whatever. there were some people throwing food coloring and dishsoap on a glass platter that was sitting, spinning, on an overhead projector. it was the diy light setup, which was interesting. i forget that the heights is basically the suburbs within the loop, so the cops apparently showed up or were going to because of the noise. i'm pretty sure that guy that had the leopard print fur coat (that i wrote about on the new year's post) showed up. there was a lot of trash everywhere. a large pile, about four feet by one, of beer bottles adorned the small back porch. i know at least three people live there, and there are always people there, so i wonder how that can just sit there. ( i feel like i sued the word 'there' too much in this sentence..) i couldn't stand looking at it. in general it was much of the same as that time, so i left in, like, thirty minutes. just isn't the kind of place i consider fun. i don't even know what i consider fun anymore. my friend agreed. i hope he was genuinely agreeing and not just nodding along to my complaining. this fifteen year old came up to kaijah after his set and told him, 'your set was so good. like i got an energy from it i've never felt before. and i've done coke! it was crazy'. the kid was very clearly from the suburbs, with his salmon shorts. i wish i could feel cool bragging about drug use. i think it's a younger people thing. maybe. i still think the fashion people go for is derivative. but hey, whatever. kept thinking about what retiring from social events would be like. i think i might be ready for that by twenty three. or twenty eight. become a hermit and only hang out with a select few people. the future is scary

when i first submitted some writing to a litmag back in april, i got a response within nine days. a rejection. i submitted something to a different one earlier this month and its been eleven days and i haven't heard back. is this a good sign? i feel that if it were bad, like in the first instance, the editor or editors would reach the same consensus quickly. still though, waiting to hear back. also from that conference, which i understand will take longer. the deadline was after and it's a whole conference thing, so there would naturally be many more submissions. if anyone knows of other litmags, please send me a link. i'm not looking to get paid for it. i just want to feel good and accomplished right now

i'm considering getting rid of a lot of my possessions. i realized i had way too much stuff when i was packing for summer break and had boxes and boxes full of things. i like the books i own, but i don't need them. same for a lot of the clothes i have. i've got three film cameras (one thirty-five millimeter and two polaroids) and i haven't used either in over a year. one of them i've actually never used. when packing i counted over thirty t-shirts. doesn't include the ones i have here at home. a lot of my things aren't worth much, but maybe i can get something out of them. maybe i'll try to sell a thing or two on depop or ebay or something. diego showed me a way in which he's made over three thousand off ebay in the past two or three months. maybe i could replicate that, to a much, much smaller scale. i don't know. i could just donate it. sucks knowing i spent money on them because i felt i needed it at some point only to realize weeks or months later that i actually don't care about it. i've since started exercising more caution when buying things

everyone on twitter is woke now and someone said it's like 2014 tumblr, which prompted tumblr users from that time to explain all the ways it isn't as if that was what everyone wanted to hear. maybe i should just make a separate one. i really just want to log off everything but i think i'm afraid of not having that instant gratification. this blog though, apparently no one really knows about it. every time i mention it, everyone is surprised to an extent. so there's none of that gratification with this and yet i've continued it for two hundred days. i'm very tired and generally just overreacting to everything. i want to go to the beach. i guess i could drive there if i really wanted