took adderall and initially felt that i could get my life together, that i could get two jobs or something. as the day went on, it changed from this inspired mentality to this down and tired one. i was able to focus more, but it was as though i no longer cared about anything. a bit depressing. started thinking about death. not that i want to die (i don't think) but just the complete end it brings. took some other pill today and felt a lot of the same. generally, i get this burst of energy and drive to get stuff done, but as the day progresses, my mind slows down and becomes exhausted. which, i guess, does help with hyperactivity. can't have attention deficiency if nothing is interesting anymore. both have been 10mg. maybe i should take 20mg. curious to see what that does to me. maybe it'll just exaggerate the two

maybe for my final portfolio, i'll write something about people i know. something less abstract. could be fun? i know i've always though it weird when people have written me poems about them and me. though, the experience was just as much theirs as it is mine. don't think i'd give them the pieces though, if i do write them

also i was lied to. big shaq is not from toronto. he shot his music video in toronto, but he is from england. just as i thought